Aaron's Lawn Gnome

Early Springtime Walk

2009-02-14T00:00:00.003-06:00

Usually at this time of year it's too difficult for me to hop off Aaron's stoop and take a nice walk. Actually, the hopping part is easy. It's the walking part I can't do so well once the snow starts reaching up past my hatchet blade. So when I woke up one day and saw green instead of white on the ground, I thought I would take the opportunity to stretch my fake rock that my boots are melded to and talk a walk around.

Even though I am a stoop gnome by nature, I can appreciate why some of us become garden gnomes. So I stopped in a little garden to see if there would be anyone to chat with. The garden was empty but for some nice shrubs and flowers. I stood in the garden for a while and listened to the trickles of water from melting snow and took in big helpings of the crisp air, which smelled like mud and decomposing leaves. To me this smells like Spring and it put a smile on my bearded face.

A thought popped into my head and right back out again before I realized what it was. I put my hand to my brow and tried to recall what it was. Today was special for some reason other than just unseasonably fair weather, but why?

Perhaps it will come back to me later.

Spring Fever

2008-05-19T18:36:00.001-05:00

It is so nice to be home again on my perfect little stoop at Aaron's house. I've been enjoying seeing the seasons change from winter to spring! It seems like I've been waiting for ever to smell fresh cut grass and all of the colorful flowers, and now they have arrived!

Along with all of the lovely smells of spring, something else was in the air today and it made my belly rumble! It was enough to get me to leave my perfect little stoop -- but just for a little while. I hopped down and began letting my nose lead the way. At some points during my trip I was distracted by the refreshing smell of rain and those nice purple lilacs. Soon though, I had reached my destination. The yummy smell was coming from a place called Pannekoeken Huis!

I'm looking for a place to sit.

I wasn't sure what this restaurant was, but as soon as I saw the giant windmill on the menu, I new this was the place for me. I smelled butter and syrup!

I looked at the menu for a while but just couldn't decide between anything! So I ended up ordering a couple of things -- a Pannekoeken, which is like a pancake, and some potato pancakes with applesauce. My belly was still full by the time I got back to Aaron's stoop this evening, and shortly thereafter the chirping birds lulled me to sleep.

Home Sweet Gnome

2007-12-23T20:58:00.000-06:00

I had to get away from the chaos. I needed to talk to someone who could find me a stoop that felt like home. I've been enjoying my adventures to no end, but there's something about this time of year that makes me think I ought to find a stoop I'm comfortable with.

"That way. There's the guy you'll want to talk to," said a scratchy voice. I didn't see who said it.

"Where are you?" I said.

"Up here," he replied.

I looked up and saw a sinister looking fellow atop a sign that said Happy Holidays. "How did you know I needed someone to talk to, sir?" I asked the fellow atop the sign.

"I've been watching you ever since that rocketship dropped you off. It looks like you want something and there's a guy here that is really good at helping people who want things."

"Really?" I said. It seemed like such good luck all of a sudden.

"Just one thing though, little guy," said the fellow atop the sign. "Have you been naughty or nice?"

"Naughty or nice?" I repeated.

"You don't have to tell me, but it's going to come up when you meet that guy I said you oughta talk to. He's just down that way. And you better hurry. He's going to be one busy fellow pretty soon. This is his busiest time of year."

"Oh! Then I better get going. Thank you for your help, sir!" I shouted up to the sinister looking man. He nodded and winked and suddenly seemed not sinister at all.

I followed a long hallway and went through an archway that said SANTA. I continued through a red and white maze that smelled like peppermint.

"Whoever it is that I'm going to meet, he must be a pretty jolly fellow," I said to myself as I saw all the sparkling tinsel lining the peppermint hallway. I went around another bend in the way and I was suddenly face to face with one of the friendliest looking people I had ever seen.

"Ho Ho Ho!" the large man laughed and laughed as soon as he saw me.

"Oh! Hello, sir," I said because I was so startled by what I saw. A very large gnome -- or maybe one of those elves I have heard about -- dressed all in red, with fat cheeks of the exact same color on either side of a giant, jolly smile. I almost forgot to introduce myself!

"I'm Aaron's Lawn Gnome," I managed to say.

"My name is Santa Clause. You must be my distant cousin, little fellow! It's so good to finally meet you. What brings you here today?"

"Well, I've been on an adventure for a few months now. I've traveled all over and have seen spectacular sites and met many interesting and friendly creatures. But mostly I've been trying out different stoops."

"You are quite a brave little gnome," Santa said as he gestured for me to come closer. "Did you ever find a stoop that suited you?"

"Well, I guess that is what has brought me here tonight, Mr. Claus," I began. "I've been having a grand time, but in the past couple of days I've realized that I haven't felt at home at any of these places."

"I see, I see," the giant elf said.

"So, I guess what brings me here tonight is, I was wondering if you could help me find a stoop that feels like home. That man outside your office said you're good at helping people who want things."

"Ho Ho Ho," Mr. Claus suddenly laughed and clutched his jiggling belly. "That's only under one condition, though."

"Oh," I said. And then I remembered what else that man atop the sign said.

"I've been very nice, Mr. Claus," I said.

"I know you have, little cousin of mine," Santa said with another small chuckle. "You certainly have been on a long and enjoyable journey. Sharing your good cheer and stories of adventure with all the little and large creatures you've met along your way. I'll give you one final journey before you find your stoop that feels like home, okay? I think you'll enjoy it. I know, I know, it won't be your final adventure all together, just for the time being. I can see that you have a fondness for traveling!"

"Mr. Claus, that sounds wonderful! I can't imagine what kind of adventure such a jolly fellow as yourself could have in store for me! I'm so excited, Mr. Claus!" I was suddenly itching to get on the trail again. A new adventure about to begin!

Mr. Claus laughed some more as he saw me inching toward the door. "Off you go, little gnome. Just follow that bright glowing path and you'll know when you've reached the end." I walked back down the hallway, along the way I saw gnomes in the gift shop wishing me luck along my journey.

Sure enough, as I stepped outside I saw what Mr. Claus was talking about. The newly fallen snow wasn't just sparkling white, but it was many different colors because of all the lights pointing out my way!

There were trees covered in lights, stoops covered in lights, and even animals made of lights! And the animals reassured me I was going the right way. It was a lovely walk and I was so anxious to see where I would end up! I was really getting excited at the idea of taking a break from my exciting journey and spending time at a place I could call home. What a great feeling!

Soon I saw an even brighter glow, and it was blinking! I stood and watched for a little while before I realized there weren't any more lights. I must have reached the end of my path! But I was confused. Where was the stoop? I looked around and I saw a house awash in the glow from these lights. I noticed it had red trim, just like my hat. But what was that? A stoop! A stoop that I recognised, a beautiful stoop; it was Aaron's stoop!

I held fast to my little backpack, full of souvenirs and food from my wonderful journey and ran across the street, up the steps to Aaron's house and, as I resumed my post guarding Aaron's stoop, I finally felt at home.

Rocketship to Chaos

2007-12-19T23:20:00.001-06:00

I decided to keep walking since this neighborhood was dark and quiet. I couldn't really make out any stoops and I thought it was time to move on -- I've been in the area a while, mostly spending my time with Snow Man. Also, the lady I wanted to say thank you to, for giving me to such a nice person with a lovely stoop, had left.

It was so quiet I could hear the snow squish under the stone under my boots. Just as I was starting to wonder if anyone has been following my tracks I heard my steps go quiet. The ground felt soggy! Boy was I confused!

"My head must be playing tricks on me again," I said. But sure enough, when I looked down, I saw grass beneath my stone. I followed the path of soggy ground out of curiosity. "What could have melted all this snow?"

I kept walking and soon I saw a strange silhouette against the gray sky. I was a little timid to get any closer because this was such a large, looming object! "This is silly," I said. "I should be used to giants by now." And I walked with my chest out, my chin up, and my hand ready to salute whatever was up ahead. When I finally reached the large, looming figure, I realized it wasn't another friendly creature, but a rocketship! I immediately thought back to the rocketship I rode on when I first started my journey and how fun that was. I thought out loud, "Since this rocketship is so much bigger it must be even more fun!" and I hopped on and waited for take off.

I only had to wait a few moments before the rocketship shuddered and shook and shot fire into the ground for take off. "So that's why all the snow is melted!"

It was a short flight, but did I ever feel like I had been transported far, far away! I was plopped down in the middle of a chaotic land called Macy's. Rats were fighting toy soldiers, pretty pink pigs were dancing ballet, and a very tall woman was putting on a puppet show under her skirt!

I did find something peaceful among all of this though; giant daisies were growing here! They reminded me of the garden gnome I met a long, long time ago. I wonder if he's found a good garden to winter in. Thinking about this turned my thoughts to stoops and I wondered if there was anyone here who could help show me to a stoop that would feel like home.

Sorry I Missed You!

2007-12-17T22:10:00.000-06:00

"It's time for me to wander some more," I said to Snow Man. "I haven't been here before!" I started to look around a bit. It was a tad warmer today and it seemed to make Snow Man a little quiet. "Thank you for your great company," I said to Snow Man and started my walk around town. That's another giant for my adventure list!

I really wandered all over today, doubling back and going in circles. I like this town! Of course, because giant Snow Man lives here, but I also found this funny house just for clocks!

I stood on a corner in this neighborhood, waiting to cross the street. "Hmm," I said to myself as I stood on the corner, looking at stoops. I saw a lady leave the house on the corner and I had such warm, happy feelings all of a sudden. Not like those I felt while meeting someone new, but instead because of something familiar. But I couldn't quite place exactly what was so familiar. I looked and thought and thought and looked and finally I remembered! But it was too late. The lady had already driven away.

"That was the lady who rescued me from that dusty store shelf!" And with that I ran to her stoop, which is quite nice by the way, and made sure to leave her a note before I continued with my adventures.

A Friendly Man Made Of Snow!

2007-12-10T01:59:00.000-06:00

Now that snow has fallen on the ground everything is so quiet along my walks! It's fun to follow all the tracks that have been invisible to me until now.

I began following a long skinny trail and as I kept following, the trail kept getting wider and wider. Soon I couldn't seen the edges of the trail, and whoever made the trail was so heavy that they sunk right down to the grass! I thought I must be on the trail of another giant. My travels have been full of them so far!

I was soon distracted from the widening trail by a strange black shape high up in the sky. It almost looked like a kind of hat the more I looked at it. Then I noticed a long red stripe waving in the the wind. The ground, the sky, and everything in between was the color of snow. I got closer and closer to those strange shapes in the sky and all of a sudden I bumped right into a pile of snow. I said, "Oof!" But it didn't sound like me! I looked around to see where the other sound could have come from, but I didn't see anything but snow all around!

"What are you looking for little gnome?" said someone in a friendly voice.

I wasn't sure where to look when I spoke, but I replied, "I'm looking for who said 'Oof' at the same time I did, when I ran into this hill of snow."

"That was me, " said the friendly voice.

"Who?" I said, again, not knowing where to look.

"Me," said the voice. "Look up."

I looked up and saw only snow. I backed up from the snow hill while looking up and found that I had been standing under the hat and red stripe. Only I found that the red stripe was actually a scarf around the neck of a giant man made of snow!

"Oh! Hello! You must be the one who made this trail I've been following," I said.

"Yes, that is my trail! I'm so glad you followed it. Every winter I come back to this very spot and you're my first visitor since it snowed!"

I decided to stay with Snow Man for a while. We talked about my adventures, hats, and all things winter.

Fooled Again!

2007-12-02T21:03:00.000-06:00

The caves were certainly an adventure, but they are too lonely! Not one single gnome crossed my path. Not one single anything came through the caves, in fact. But I gave it a try and that's what counts. I continued on my way, thanking the pigs for such a great visit before I left.

I decided it was time to meander again. I couldn't possibly find anything better than caves and camels on my straight-line-east route! I meandered so much that I'm not sure how I wound up on a such a strange path. It felt like I was indoors! That is, if I'm remembering the indoors correctly. It was so long ago after all. I kept following different paths until I saw a strange pair of stoops! I immediately hopped up on one; it seemed like ages since I've been on a stoop. But this didn't feel quite right. I stood for a few more minutes and studied these stoops and realized they were steps for sure, but they lead up to chairs!

Not much further down the hallway I saw tall pointy hats! "Hello! Hello!" I shouted down the lonely hallway. I was excited to find some company. The hats were still, so I thought the gnomes up ahead stopped to wait for me. When I did reach the gnomes, I realized I had been fooled again! Silly me!

"This certainly is a strange path," I said out loud to myself. "I must be getting lonely if I'm starting to see gnomes that really aren't gnomes again."

A few moments later I came to an enormous window and saw such a surprise. It was snowing! I was definitely indoors. It looked much more fun to be out in the snow so I looked and looked for a door. I was so excited when I finally set my stone under my boots in the snow! It was getting pretty deep, too! I saw a tall hill and decided to climb it so I could see what direction I should go next. When I got to the top I looked all around until I saw a warm, welcoming glow that I knew would take me no time at all to get to. I slid down the hill and steered with my hatchet around a large boulder of ice.

The snowflakes felt refreshing on my face and I put my nose up in the air to catch as many as snowflakes as I could in my beard. When brought my nose back down to see where I was going I got such a start! Gnomes were buried in the snow!

I ran as fast as I could to rescue them. Who knows how long they had been under all that snow! Good thing we have such tall, bright hats. I wouldn't have seen them otherwise!

When I got closer I saw that once again my imagination got the best of me. I stood for a moment to catch my breath and then noticed the warming glow I was walking toward was just across the street!

I heard a couple of hellos and noticed there were bears and deer waving to me to come over. "Hello!" I shouted as I crossed the street to meet them.

"Don't you love the snow?" The bears asked.

"I like when the snow covers my back!" said one bear.
"I like to eat the snow," said the deer.

I told them that I liked when the snow covers my beard. "It's refreshing when it falls on your face, too!" I added, and all of the animals nodded in agreement.

Cave Gnome!

2007-11-25T18:54:00.000-06:00

It was fun guarding the windmill! It's really been working hard these past couple of windy days. I was anxious to continue in my direct route east so off I went. It seemed the strong wind was urging me to continue my adventure too. I walked for almost the entire day before hearing what sounded like pigs. Sure enough, through a few trees and bushes I came upon a white house with four pink pigs in the front yard. I immediately wondered if they wanted to be identified as pigs or camels. I just wasn't sure so I decided to ask right away.

"Hello! I'm Aaron's Lawn Gnome. Are you pigs or would you prefer to be called camels?"

The pigs laughed and laughed, and they snorted quite a bit too, which I thought was very funny. "We're not camels!" one of the little pigs shouted between snorts. "Aaron's Lawn Gnome, we are certainly pigs. It is nice to meet you. What brings you here today?"

"I heard you through the trees. Then I saw the house and I thought I'd try out the stoop for a little while. That is, if it's okay with you."

"The stoop?" Said one pig.

"I thought for sure you were here to guard the cave!" Said another pig.

"A cave? Wow! I didn't know a cave was around here."

"Not around here," explained another pig. "Right under here!"

"How do you know there is a cave right underneath our feet?" I asked. And all the pigs answered at once. "Our ancestors found the cave!"

They all took turns telling different parts of the story. I found out that a couple of their ancestors went missing from their farm. When a boy was out looking for them, he heard the pigs but could not see them! Soon he found the pigs -- they had fallen in a sink hole. The little boy found an older boy to help him rescue the pigs. When they went into the hole to tie ropes around the pigs' bellies in order to pull them out, the boys saw that the hole went much, much deeper into the ground.

"I've never been in a cave before."

"But we thought you came here because gnomes guard caves."

"I've met many different gnome guards on my travels so far, ones that I didn't know existed, like Top Shelf Gnome. I guess I'll add Cave Guard to my list!"

"Our ancestors made history! You should visit the cave they found!"
"You should!"
"You must!"
"You have to!"

I decided to visit the cave! It will be great to add cave to my list of places I've tried guarding. Apparently that's something my ancestors have done. So I walked in the direction the four pigs were pointing until I was at the top of a very tall staircase. It was so tall that I couldn't see the bottom step!

It was warm and very humid at the bottom of the cave. I always heard water flowing and saw water dripping down all of the walls. I followed the sound of water until it was so loud I thought I might have to cover my ears! But I forgot about how loud the water was when I saw how far it was falling.

There were many hallways to wander and each one seemed to have an incredible surprise. There were fossils in the walls and other halls were filled with crisp, clear water. Other hallways had growing from them!

It was so strange knowing I was 200 feet underneath those four pigs. With every turn down a new oddly shaped hall I wondered if I would bump into another gnome.

I wandered far into many of the pathways until I found a hat-shaped threshold. "This cave entrance will suit me just right." As I said this I felt a booming in my chest! I was startled, but only for a moment as I realized it was my own words bouncing off the walls right back into me. I planted the rock beneath my boots, which was now covered white with clay, and happily guarded a cave. I spent my time whistling and singing and listing the places I've visited out loud just to feel the boom of my voice.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2007-11-22T21:39:00.000-06:00

A happy day today, even though there was noticeably more traffic buzzing around. So much in fact that I couldn't get to any stoops because driveways and streets were filled with parked cars. I wondered and wondered what was going on today until I passed by a helpful lady. She was so soft spoken that after the third time I asked politely for her to repeat herself, she actually hoisted me up in her hand and said, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Oh! Why Happy Thanksgiving to you too!" I said. I explained that I was searching for adventure and new stoops to try out and that I was wondering why I couldn't get to any stoops today because conditions were so crowded. "Thank you for helping me find out why everyone else is out and about today. I'm away from my home right now, so I'm thankful to have met such a helpful new friend!"

"It was nice to meet you too," she said. "Let me set you down again so you can carry on with your adventures!" And off I was to do what I do best. Well, second best. I think I guard stoops first best.

Walking and walking on a cloudy day wasn't a bit discouraging. In fact, I was too distracted to worry about a gray sky! I saw a sign that reminded me of the gnome hostel, The Happy Gnome, but this particular spot was not an overnight resting spot for gnomes. I wonder what I would look like up on a sign!

I kept walking and wondering what all the gnomes at the gnome hostel were doing today to celebrate Thanksgiving. And then I started to wonder how they celebrated on Sesame Street, what giant cow and giant bear and giant rooster were doing, and if Mr. Little Guy got my letter. In the not too far distance I saw another person who looked a little like the lady I had met just a while ago. "Happy Thanksgiving!" I said to the man. "Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, little fellow!" And he and I shared in a big, friendly salute. "I'm on an adventure. I'm traveling in a direct line east from a strange museum in Austin."

"You're in for a nice surprise then, I think. If you keep on as you are, there is going to be a site that will stop you in your tracks I bet!" After a final salute, I parted with the tall friendly man. He had gotten me so excited to continue on my way that I was walking quite fast. It wasn't long when I saw what he must have been talking about. A gorgeous windmill. I was in awe for a bit and I suddenly forgot everything I had been wondering about. This windmill was exactly the same colors as me! Boy, I've never thought about guarding a windmill before. I think I'll give it a try today!

Camel Walk

2007-11-18T22:53:00.000-06:00

After leaving that confusing SPAM building I realized how much I've been wandering ever since I've been out and about. I don't think I've made a straight line in my path once during my entire journey. This is a fine way to travel of course, but I decided it might be fun to journey as straight a line as possible, just to see what happens. So off I went, in exactly a straight line east from the museum in Austin, Minnesota.

I hadn't been walking too long when I thought I heard giggling. But then the wind came up again, as it did frequently on this day, and I figured it was my imagination. Just a few steps further though I heard it again, for sure this time, and then again and again. I kept turning around, but nothing was there! Finally I was quicker than the gigglers and I saw a short curly tail dart behind a fence-post. "I see you back there!" I shouted in a friendly voice. Then I hid behind a pine tree and thought I'd join in on the game. Again I heard laughing and then one-by-one I saw three wiggly snouts appear from behind a very big fence post. And then three big faces. And then three stout, wiggling bodies. Sure enough, there were three curly tails. They looked around for me and after a second I started to laugh, too. I jumped out from behind my tree.

"Hi Pigs!" I shouted and began to laugh. Their bodies all turned, startled and stiff, and the black and white pig's big floppy ears went straight up. Then they turned and looked at some giant, bumpy animals far off in the field. We walked closer to each other.

"Shh," said one of the black pigs. The other two were stifling their chuckles. "We don't want to cause trouble sharing the pasture with the camels, so we've managed to convince the them that we're camels, too! Don't mention the word pig while they're near," he said the word pig in a whisper. Then the two little black pigs and the little black and white pig with the large floppy ears darted away, laughing some more. "If you want to meet more of us," one of the pigs turned and shouted. "We have some relatives living not too far from here if you travel in exactly a straight line east! Our ancestors discovered something spectacular in Harmony!" They told me to turn my back and I would see something else amazing in the meanwhile. I turned my back from them as they ran far into the field behind me. I wondered who would be waiting for me in the next town, pigs or those bumpy creatures they motioned to in the field. What a silly game they were playing.

I stood looking in the distance for a few minutes and still hadn't seen anything. Boy, was my anticipation growing! And boy were those pigs fun! Maybe they were beginning another game to play. Then I heard slow heavy steps behind me and I jumped and turned around as fast as I could, expecting to see little fun-loving pigs.

"Ah!"

I don't think I've ever been so startled! All I saw when I turned were giant brown, knobby knees! Giant! Now I've met plenty of giants on my journey, but none of them have sneaked up on me. "I'm so sorry, sir," I said as soon as I could. "I wasn't expecting to see three huge handsome creatures like you! Please excuse me!" The three of them had started chuckling from deep within their giant bellies before I finished my sentence.

"We're camels," one of them explained. "And I don't believe we've seen such a little fellow like you before either!"

"I'm Aaron's Lawn Gnome. I'm a stoop gnome and right now I'm traveling and having adventures." They became so excited by the idea of such a little fellow going on such a big journey that they each gave me a kiss on my cheek. "Wow, I've certainly never been kissed by a camel before! It's really an honor and a great story to add to my list of adventures!"

"Shh," said the camels all at once. "We don't want to cause trouble sharing the pasture with the pigs, so we've managed to convince them that we're pigs, too!" And the camels all motioned with their large heads toward the little pigs coming closer to us. "So be sure not to mention the word camel while they're near." As they explained this to me, they hushed their volume when saying the word camel.

All of us ran and jumped and played games and laughed for a while during that blustery day. And then I remembered that there were more adventures for me in exactly a straight line east and shouted good-bye to them again and again. From a good length away, I said good-bye for one last time; I was so exhilarated from meeting such great new friends. But I forgot my pacts between the pigs and the camels and shouted, "Good-bye pigs! Good-bye Camels!" I gave them the biggest salute I could and immediately hoped I hadn't just caused too much trouble as I headed my way toward a town called Harmony. But they didn't seem to notice anything odd as they wiggled their tails back at me.

A Very Strange Museum

2007-11-17T20:15:00.000-06:00

A snowy day today! No trouble for this gnome though; I've got a warm full belly thanks to all of the goodies I can bring along with me in my new pack! Despite the snow I saw a familiar yellow glow in the sky again. "IKEA!" I thought to myself. I decided it wouldn't be such a bad idea to go inside for some Lingonberry Drink. I had been so distracted by just the blue and yellow colors that I didn't realize the building said SPAM Museum until I got right up to the door! There sure wasn't anything close to Lingonberries in there. And I forgot to pay attention to why in the world there were pigs out front.

I've Got Gnomes In My Eyes

2007-11-16T17:49:00.000-06:00

It was such a nice day for traveling today! Crisp yes, but perfect for a walking fellow like me. I must have gnomes on my brain because I seem to be seeing them everywhere, even if upon a second glance the gnome turns out to be something else completely. Like a fire hydrant. I'm so used to making friends along my way, maybe my brain is playing tricks on me because I haven't met anyone lately! Silly me.

Too Big, Too Little, Just Right

2007-11-12T19:54:00.000-06:00

I reminisced about all of my amazing adventures while I enjoyed my Apfelkorn at the Black Forest Inn. I can't believe all of the sights I've seen and how many new friends I've made in just only a few weeks! Then my thoughts turned to the changing weather, how it's getting a little colder each day, and about Moose and Bear living in the woods. The wild berries we've all been sharing are already getting scarce. It's not like Moose and Bear can just walk into a restaurant as easily as I can. If I had a backpack to fill with supplies I won't have to take berries from a less fortunate creature! I also won't have to worry about if there will be food where I decide to take breaks.

I think Pack Gnome weaved his own basket pack. I'm afraid I do not have the required dexterousness to weave a basket. I'm better at chopping things.

Thinking about this got me excited to get on my way again. I wandered for quite a while after leaving The Black Forest and hadn't run in to even one other creature along my way. It was exhilarating to rely on my skills alone! It seems I've been honing my wandering skills ever since that first night my stone under my boots left Aaron's stoop, but today was the first chance I've had to put them to the test. My list of experiences sure keeps growing.

I went with my instincts and kept my chin up. And after just a little while longer, I saw a yellow glow in the sky and decided I should see what it was. The closer I got the better I could see what I was walking toward. Well, I could tell that it was a big blue building anyway; I didn't, however, know what an IKEA was. It seemed friendly enough anyway, so I decided to find out exactly what this IKEA was.

It turns out that IKEA was exactly what I needed! What a testament to my growing wandering skills! Upon entering, I saw the food area first and was excited to see such bright, shiny options! Gnome-sized delicacies like little cookies and boxes of Lingonberry juice. Oh! And Elderflower juice! Then I smelled meatballs. I remembered smelling them in Engebretson's, but had the lutefisk instead. Now was my chance to try meatballs! I couldn't resist; I ate an entire plate of them. Meatballs are delicious and a perfect sized food for a gnome.

I found myself getting distracted looking at all of the food and decided to find a pack before I continue in the food store. I must find a pack to put some of these goodies in for the rest of my travels!

So this little gnome went for a walk in the big IKEA building. I continued past bright little rooms filled with bright-colored objects. I walked past big beds, medium beds, and little beds. When soon I found a room with many different bins brimming over with packs! I went over to the first bin and pulled out a pack the color of my shirt. "This pack is much too big," I said as I began to climb my way out. I went to another bin. I pulled out a pack that my hatchet wouldn't even fit in. "This pack is much, much too small," I said. When I finally pulled my hand out of the small handle, I became distracted by a beautiful red pack in the next bin. I tried on this red pack; it was red just like my hat. "This one is just right," I said, smiling. Then I walked quickly back to the food store and filled my new pack with delicious goodies to keep my belly full and warm for the rest of the adventures I was sure to have very soon!

Danke Shön For All The Joy And Apfelkorn

2007-11-08T19:53:00.000-06:00

Even after the four apple beverages I had at the apple orchard my thirst still wasn't satisfied. I really need to get a pack to carry supplies in like Pack Gnome suggested back at the hostel! But I am happy with how my latest adventure turned out nonetheless. All of those giants were so nice! My feet were itching to get on the move again and I was eager to comply. Off to finish what I started; the hunt for stoops and Apfelkorn! I zigged through yards and neighborhoods and zagged past main streets and towns enjoying all the new sights when one in particular caught my eye. I put my hand above my brow to better read the sign against the glare from the setting sun: Black Forest Inn.

It sounded a tad spooky, but I was long over my frightened state from Anoka by now. Perhaps I could catch up on my wood chopping skills in this forest? Maybe I could help clear brush for my keep and maybe a meal? I hadn't used my hatchet for more than a walking stick since I started my adventures! I never saw such a façade for entering a forest, but I am out seeking adventure after all, and decided that opening a door into a forest would definitely be a new experience for this little gnome.

As soon as my eyes adjusted to the dim light (I can see how this forest got its name!) I found myself in quite a state of confusion. It was a forest full of wood, not in tree form, but in table and chair and bar form! What kind of forest was this anyway? In my awe I looked up to see if, at the very least, the sky was above this bizarre forest. I did not see clouds. Instead I saw large paintings of gnomes! Gnomes wearing winged helmets and feasting on sausages and potatoes and wine! Seeing these gnomes imbibing reminded me of how thirsty I was. Perhaps I had entered some sort of gnome utopia? Big Ole told me about Valhalla. Perhaps The Black Forest Inn was the equivalent for gnomes; in theme only, of course, because I certainly was not slain in any battles recently!

I hopped up onto the bar and asked for a chilled glass of Apfelkorn. I explained to the barkeep that I was on a long journey and needed to quench my thirst before continuing my adventures. Before I could finish saluting at the end of my request, there, before me, was a chilly little glass of golden Apfelkorn, in a glass just my size.

I raised my little glass before my first sip: To Stoops!

Apples Apples Everywhere But Not A Drop Of Apfelkorn To Drink

2007-11-05T23:19:00.000-06:00

After a nice and relaxing slumber in the crisp autumnal air I thought a proper drink was in order. Apfelkorn! But where? I set out with a revived bounce in my step to find adventure and a beverage to quench my thirst. I've been meeting so many helpful creatures along my way, like Moose and Bear and Giant Ant, I couldn't help but be excited about the idea of seeking advice about where to find my beverage of choice!

I found that making sure to always keep my chin up makes a big difference while I am out wandering. Like today, at first I thought I was just seeing another cloud, but when it said hello to me, I knew my eyes were playing tricks. "Hello," it said again in a deep friendly voice. When my eyes adjusted I saw a great White Bear roosting high above the ground. "Hello up there! Maybe you can help me with something." I explained to the giant White Bear that I was on a long journey and right now I was in the mood to sip my favorite beverage.

"Apfelkorn? I bet you could find it at the apple orchard just up the way!" I commented about how I bet he can probably see everything from where he was. "That's right! You asked the right bear for help. I can see the apple orchard from here, in fact. It's not too far!"

I continued in the direction White Bear told me and while I was imagining what kind of view he has all day long and how different it was from my view, I was interrupted by a loud swish-swish noise. "Oh!" I said, startled. I almost walked right into a long, bony leg!

"I thought I would warn you, but was afraid if I mooed it would just plain scare you away, and I didn't want that! Though it looks like I frightened you anyway. So sorry." It was another giant animal! This time it was a cow and she was quite curious. "If you don't mind my asking, what is a little fellow like you doing out and about?" I explained to the giant black and white cow that I was on a long journey and right now I was in the mood to sip my favorite beverage. "Am I still on the right path to the apple orchard?" "You are! In fact, you haven't much further to go. I'm sure you'll have lots of fun there. I like to sneak into that very apple orchard late at night and eat my fill of apples while everyone is sleeping." And she mooed and laughed at her confession until long after I was on my way.

To keep myself occupied during my walk I thought about all of the enormous friendly creatures I kept meeting and, little did I know, I was just about to meet yet another gentle giant.

A very large beak kept bobbing down to the ground in front of me, so quickly that I could barely see anything but a blurry yellow and red rainbow. "Excuse me, please slow down. I'd like to say hello!" This giant fellow could not talk or move without bobbing his head. This was quite fascinating to me, as the slight sudden movements caused his wild hair to shake and shimmer in the sun. "Hello," the giant rooster replied. He looked at me for a moment, but couldn't be bothered to stop pecking for food on the ground. I explained to the giant orange and yellow rooster that I was on a long journey and right now I was in the mood to sip my favorite beverage. "Am I still on the right path to the apple orchard? "Just follow the corn," advised the giant rooster. Sure enough, just a few steps away, I saw enough corn to feed a giant bear, a giant cow, AND a giant rooster all at once!

I found an entrance to the corn field under a broken, poorly spelled sign. I'm sure it's supposed to say Apfelkorn, I thought to myself. And with that, I walked into hallways made of scrumptious looking corn! The way to the apple orchard was not well marked and sometimes it was hard choosing which way to turn. I had to rely on my nose! I started following the smell of apples and soon I found the orchard! I immediately found an apple that I wished I could bring back to the giant black and white cow. And saw pumpkins the color of the giant rooster's feathers! I saw an apple tree sagging under the weight of apples. "I bet this place is absolutely overflowing with Apfelkorn!" I found my way to a small cafe. By this point I was so hungry for everything made with apple I didn't even look at the menu. I just said, "One of everything please, but I want four apple drinks!"

I ate an apple muffin, apple turnover, and apple pie in anticipation of saving the best -- the Apfelkorn -- for last. But my excitement was dashed. The cafe gave me coffee, apple cider, and an apple cider float. "Sorry, no Apfelcorn," said the lady behind the cafe counter. I felt like I was back on Sesame Street again. Along with my stoop adventures, my search for Apfelcorn continues as well.

On my way out I heard the sound of a machine and decided to have a look. Inside I saw thousands of apples, not on trees, but moving quickly and smoothly across the room! I was bewildered! I couldn't believe that this machine was not turning those apples, not even a small fortunate few of them, into Apfelkorn. All I could do was stare in amazement.

Mr. Little Guy

2007-11-04T19:48:00.000-06:00

I was still a little shaken up while wandering back to the city after being in Anoka for Halloween. In fact, when I saw this cracked staircase covered with brittle fallen leaves, I was just about to turn and go the other way when I saw beautiful twinkling lights reflecting off of a lake. Unable to take my eyes off of the shimmering colors, I didn't even see the scary steps as I descended them for a closer look at the city and the water. I stood for a bit and then became distracted from my sore feet. Certainly there would be a park bench around here somewhere. I turned to look for a nice spot to sit when I discovered a little door. I didn't believe what I was seeing at first! Surely it was just a silly pattern in the tree bark, but upon closer inspection there, indeed, was a small locked door with a name plate on it! I found myself looking down to inspect the little door and name plate. I admired the lion's head door handle, but something was a bit strange. Then it donned on me -- I was looking down to inspect this door! Imagine that! This door was smaller than me. Unfortunately the little fellow who lives here was away, but luckily he left a forwarding address. Looks like this little stoop gets plenty of visitors, too. There were a few letters to this elf left near his door.

So, under the lights from the city and the reflections off the lake, I sat and wrote a big thank-you letter to Mr. Little Guy.

"Greetings Mr. Little Guy,

I am Aaron's Lawn Gnome and for the past few weeks I have been out and about having adventures and trying out new stoops.
Along the way I have met store gnomes, bar gnomes and even vikings, but I am a stoop gnome. I had a strange but delightful experience when I happened upon your stoop -- it was smaller than me!
It is not often that I am larger than something, as I am sure you can relate, especially a door and stoop.
In short, I am writing to thank you for allowing me to guard your stoop for a few hours. The view from your stoop is spectacular, especially at night when the city reflects off of the lake. It was fun guarding such a tiny stoop. Even though I never quite got used to it, I had a delightful time.

A salute to you,
A.L. Gnome"

How Frightening!

2007-11-01T19:49:00.000-05:00

I was walking around a great neighborhood just bursting at the seams with stoops! While I was enjoying my pick of stoop after stoop however, I couldn't help but feel a growing chill in the air as the sun began to set. Soon, each stoop became just a darker pattern barely discernible from the dark surroundings. I heard footsteps all around me, but I convinced myself it was just the sound of all of the leaves getting caught in the brisk evening wind. Trying to find any distraction from my growing fright, I heard the welcoming crackles of a fire in the distance. I followed the popping fire noises until I finally saw a faint orange glow. Closer still, I realized I was better off out in the dark amongst those mysterious footsteps. Some poor creature had been captured and was roasting on a spit over the fire! I turned to get away, but I was met with an entire trail of glowing skulls! A misfit toy scared me by yelling help and then laughed when she heard me gasp! The footsteps became louder and louder still! There were frightening characters everywhere! I didn't know where to turn until I saw a stream of lights careening down a street. They were the only lights to focus on, as the regular street lights had been turned off. How scary! And then I remembered -- it's Halloween! I had been so distracted with my stoop-finding adventure that I completely forgot.

Suddenly I realized how fortunate my situation was. I was in Anoka -- the Halloween Capital of the World! Imagine that. I watched the parade and saw that there are even parade gnomes. I saw some elves too, but a gnome! I waved and waved and the Parade Gnome threw me some beads for a Halloween souvenir.

If my beard wasn't already gray, it sure would be now. After a night like that!

Lutefisk

2007-10-27T23:49:00.000-05:00

New Ulm was dreamy! A wealth of fancy stoops, guarded by lions and gilded birds. And castles to boot! Once this gnome gets started it's hard to stop him though. So off I go, in the direction of adventure. Time to add to the growing collection of stoops I've felt under the stone under my boots.

A building caught my attention, not because of any kind of stoop it had, but because of the pictures painted on the outside walls. The pictures showed people gathering and then eating a big feast. When I saw this, my belly grumbled. Would you believe it sounded like it said, "Grrrrgo inside. Hungrrrry."

"Ugh. Not another one." I heard a gruff voice say when I got near the front door.
"Oh no. Don't look at him."
"Quick, let's block the door."

I got to the front door and was greeted by trolls. "Hello! Are you out having adventures? I thought I might find lunch in here."

"Go away, gnome. There's already enough of you in here."
"Go away."
And the third one told me to go away, too.

Good thing gnomes don't listen to trolls. If there are other gnomes in Ingebretsen's then I want to salute and say hello to them! I politely walked past their long lumpy noses, which were turned up at me. I made a point of not looking at them. When I was a young gnome I made the mistake of looking at a troll when its nose was turned up. I had frightful dreams for months afterward!

A viking! I saluted the large fellow and asked if, by chance, he knew Big Ole of Alexandria. He let out a hearty belly laugh that shook his body armor. "Me and Ole go way back. How is the big guy? Still luring visitors down main street to visit him, is he?" I told him he was. "He always did like company." My stomach growled again. I think it said, "Grrrrrrub."

I told the viking I was looking for some lunch and he pointed to a bright counter filled with delicious looking food. "Personally, I can't get enough of the lutefisk. But that's just me. I know it's an acquired taste." I'd love to try Lutefisk! I've learned that if a viking recommends something to try, you'd be smart to try it!

"Okay!" Said the viking as he clapped his hands together. "Suit up! We'll prepare your lunch together. This will be a good addition to your list of adventures." The viking handed me a chef's hat and a cooking utensil and we got to work preparing my lutefisk. "Morrre," said my stomach upon finishing my first piece of lutefisk. We prepared one more piece and finally my belly had nothing more to say.

Ingebretsen's is quite a place! I found a book titled Gnomes. I couldn't help but stop and read it. We're pretty fascinating!

It was especially nice to speak to a Miss Dala eye to eye! "It's not often I meet someone who I can talk to without having to look way way up or way way down."
She said, "Don't look now, but there are a few fellows across the room who seem pretty curious about you."
"I'll be happy to say hi to them!" I said. "They'll be happy to see you. But they're shy and may not be the best of conversationalists."
I walked across the room toward these supposedly shy fellows the Dala Horse told me about.

Along the way I exchanged friendly hellos with some pointy fellows.

I heard whispers at this point, and then silence. I continued across the room when I noticed about a hundred eyes following my every movement with silent awe.

"Hello there." I said, quietly. I didn't want to startle the little fellows. "I'm Aaron's Lawn Gnome. Who are all of you?" Silence. I told them that I was out having adventures and searching for stoops. I complimented them on their nice home and before I left I told them not to let those nasty trolls bother them. They're all bark and no bite.

Ich Bin Ein New Ulmer

2007-10-25T19:21:00.000-05:00

The gnomes at the gnome hostel started talking about stoops. "You've already been to the Runestone and Sesame Street?" they all asked me, amazed. They wondered why I kept moving on, so I pointed them to my blog my blog while I sat and enjoyed some Apfelkorn. All of the gnomes nodded their heads and let out a collective, "Yup," when they finished reading. Turns out my thirst for adventure isn't such a unique story among gnomes! They all started suggesting other places to visit, but I got excited about one place in particular. The gnome who suggested I get a pack told me I would like a town called New Ulm. "There are lots of extravagant stoops in New Ulm. And there is something downtown that I think you'll really enjoy, but I'm not going to tell you what it is. It'll be a surprise. There are even a couple of gnomes I know who live in New Ulm. If you visit, say hello from me!"

The very next day I said goodbye to all of my new friends. They all waved good bye and wished me luck on my newest adventure. After a long walk that took almost the entire day, I was greeted into New Ulm by a giant fellow who manned his post atop a giant gazebo. "Hello up there!" I yelled as politely as I could. "Could you point me into town?" He said hello to me and introduced himself. "Hi! I am Herman The German! Welcome! To New Ulm!" and he pointed his sword in the direction over the hill. I continued walking and found myself at the top of a hill where there was a view of the fall colors in the city of New Ulm.

I walked right into town, first to say hello to the gnomes for my friend back at the hostel. They were store guards! They were so happy to hear from their friend that they did a little dance and jumped about. "Walk around! Walk around! There is so much to see -- especially if you're looking for stoops!" Those energetic fellows got me excited to explore the town! And they weren't kidding about the stoops! It was strange in New Ulm -- there was a roof guarded by a giant green and gold bird. And I stood on a cozy stoop between two lions! There were castles to guard! It felt good standing in front of such grand buildings. I didn't think anything could tear me away from trying these magnificent stoops. If you look very closely, you can see me and my tall red hat on the stoop in the photo of the striped building above!

Then the time was 3 o' clock. And my attention dramatically shifted, against my will, from my stoop adventure.

I heard miraculous bells! And I knew it was the surprise my gnome friend had hinted about.

This Gnome Is A Happy Gnome

2007-10-22T21:49:00.001-05:00

The famous stoop of note was a great addition to my list of adventures. If adventures could be expressed in terms of physical size, the famous Sesame Street stoop was the size of Big Ole. I felt like I was standing on a celebrity for a few days! Everything was a-okay, the air was sweet, and this was also where all the friendly neighbors would meet, but when it came to quenching my thirst the options weren't as, shall we say, colorful. After sharing my travel stories with everyone during story hour, Bert asked if there was anything I wanted to drink. He said, "You must be thirsty after all of that walking." I asked if anyone wouldn't mind sharing their Apfelkorn. All of the friendly neighbors sort of gasped. Then Oscar the Grouch spoke up and said, "This story is brought to you by the letter N. N is for the word no, as in no alcohol on Sesame Street." Oscar lives right next door to this incredible stoop, so I decided that this stoop wasn't right for me a while ago. He's an unpleasant fellow. I decided to leave just a little sooner after his most recent story, though.

Once again I found myself walking around in St. Paul. It was a dreary day, but I was still enjoying the excitement from finding a famous stoop to stand on. This gnome had a spring in his step despite the drizzly day! I held my chin up, looking forward to what I would discover next and there in the distance was something amazing. The sign said, The Happy Gnome! I went inside and discovered that this place was a gnome hostel for traveling gnomes to rest their pointy caps for a spell. I made many friends here and I even had a reunion with the fellow I met at Glockenspiel! He was visiting from just a few blocks away. All of the gnomes there welcomed me with a drink called a Gnomosa!

This gnome was a garden gnome who decided to grow his own plants to guard. "I think my plan backfired," he said. "My plant has gotten too big for me to travel with!"

Another gnome I talked to had a backpack full of tomatoes to keep his belly full along his travels. "You should get a backpack, too. That way you don't have to worry if there will be any food where you decide to take a break." I told him this was my first adventure out and I was happy for his great advice.

The gnome on the fireplace mantel was as warm as his station. He was funny, too. "I don't understand you outside gnomes," he said. "I don't know why you would guard a stoop or a garden when there are nice warm mantels to guard." I told him that I've been trying out all kinds of options and he laughed until tears came out of his eyes when I said I even tried a turtle shell. "Well, you're welcome to try guarding a mantel if you want."

G for Gnome!

2007-10-18T23:57:00.000-05:00

A famous stoop. I just can't get that Runestone stoop out of my mind. But it was inside a glass box! That historic stoop step was being held captive and there was no way I could even set my little stone on it, even for a second. I would like to touch my stone to a bit of history, so onward with my search for a stoop. A well-known one at that, before it is put away behind glass. So I continue what I began, asking around for a stoop of note.

First I came across a couple of woodland creatures, Moose and Bear. "I know there aren't any stoops out here in the wilderness, but would you happen to know of a stoop of note I could visit and actually stand on?" Moose and Bear thought it out and all of a sudden Bear remembered a city relative of his that lives in a zoo. "He told me about a place called Sesame Street. It's in the city, so there must be a famous stoop there." I asked him if he could tell me how to get to Sesame Street and he and Moose pointed their big noses in the proper direction.

I enjoy being in the woods and wilderness, but I'm out of practice. I've been a city gnome for awhile now and so I found myself without my bearings. I found a turtle and asked, "Could you point me to a famous stoop of note in the city?" Turtle replied as if he didn't even hear my question. He simply said, "Why don't you wear your stoop, that way you won't have to look for one?" Honestly I never considered that as an option. So I took a moment to try the turtle's suggestion. I quickly realized that was not the solution for me. I asked turtle my question again, "Could you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?" And the turtle pointed his nose in the direction I should go. With a friendly salute I was off in the right direction.

Within a few steps of speaking with the turtle, I met a giant ant! The forest is such a busy place. "I heard you are looking for a stoop to guard," she said. "You're more than welcome to see if my stoop is to your liking." I told her thanks and perhaps I will come back and see what it's like to guard an ant's stoop, but right now I'm on my way to the city.

I walked for quite a while, enjoying the fall colors and watching fat squirrels rustle about. Before I new it, the forest was behind me and I was in a yard. I was behind a very small house and became so curious about who lived there! I walked around to the front and found a minimal stoop, occupied by a sleepy yellow dog. Since I am trying out stoops, I didn't think I should rule this little one out. I stood and stood and stood until the dog finally woke up. I introduced myself and told him about my mission. "I hope you don't mind my trying out your stoop," I said. The yellow dog didn't mind. In fact, he just shrugged his shoulders and went right back to sleep. I ended up dozing on the dog's stoop for a bit, but there was still plenty of sun sweeping the clouds away when I woke up so I decided to continue on. Double-checking that my directions were correct, I asked the yellow dog, "Could you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?" And before he laid his head back down, he pointed his wet, black snout in the proper direction.

I could tell I was further into town when I saw a clown on a park bench. "Are you a park bench gnome?" I asked. This fellow's hair was as red as my hat! He laughed and said, "I am not a gnome, I am a clown. Would you like a hamburger?" I politely declined a hamburger -- I was too excited to eat! Instead I asked, "Could you tell me how to get to Sesame Street?" And the clown pointed a giant clown shoe in the proper direction.

I started trying stoop after stoop now that I was in the city. I tried a nice stoop at a bright yellow house. I found a giant nest, too, and, like the turtle stoop I found it wasn't quite right for me. I went on to another stoop in front of a red door and near a blue mailbox. It would be fun to stand next to a mailbox, there would be plenty of people to see everyday. But none of these stoops felt like historic stoops of note. So I walked and wandered, wondering if I was too late. Perhaps the famous stoop all of my friends pointed me toward along the way had already been put behind glass.

Just as the sun was going down I saw two lights come on just a short ways away. It was a welcoming light, shining softly down onto a dark green door and illuminating the numbers 123. I knew it! I knew this was my famous stoop of note! I ran and ran, up one, two, three steps. I caught my breath. This felt like a famous stoop of note underneath my road-weary stone. I would surely spend the night here, if not a few days, and experience all that Sesame Street has to offer.

Soon I found that this is exactly where all the friendly neighbors meet! I met a fellow with a thick accent who wore a cape and liked to count everything he saw. I met a big yellow bird, too. I'll have to ask if that was his nest I visited. I even met these two great fellows -- one has a rubber ducky and the other has a paper clip collection!

The Room Past Area 51

2007-10-16T20:02:00.000-05:00

Once again my belly was rumbling. I spent the whole day at the Runestone Museum in Alexandria, MN and didn't think to eat once! I didn't know what I was in the mood to eat, so I wandered and wandered until I found something that my belly and I could agree on. In the middle of a parking lot I had that sneaky suspicion once again that I was being stared at! Sure enough I looked up to see this bizarre shivering creature with a head too small for its big black eyes. It wouldn't say hello to me, but it wasn't mean either. We just stared at each other for a moment. I turned around to see a building covered in planets and similar creatures to the one I was just looking at! The sign on the building said Space Aliens Grill and Bar. So that creature must be a space alien! A naughty one at that. After all, it was sent out to sit in that car (a space ship in disguise?) all alone.

I sat in a booth and read the Galactic Gazette. Space culture sure is focused on food! The news was all about salads, something called Moo Juice and Meteor Bites. I was reading about something called a Space Disk when a lady stopped at my booth. I asked her about the Space Disk and she said she would bring one to me. It tasted just like melted cheese! When I was finished eating I was drawn into another room because there were loud beeping noises and bright blinking lights coming out of it. I hopped down out of my booth, passed by a door labeled Area 51, and entered into another world. Whatever ingredients were in that Space Disk must have altered something in my body because I suddenly became so full of energy!

A Stoop of Note and Mr. Ole

2007-10-16T00:20:00.000-05:00

While chatting with this fellow on Lake Street the conversation naturally turned to stoops. It is the reason I am out and about after all. Toward the end of our talk I asked if he knew of any stoops of note in Minnesota. He closed the paper he was reading and closed his eyes to think. After a few seconds he opened his eyes and with a snap of his fingers he said, "Alexandria is where you want to go!" So I asked him to point me in that direction and, with a last salute to this helpful fellow, I was on my way!

I was following some train tracks in the direction of Alexandria for a few miles when I felt a rumble under my stone -- a train! I stopped to watch it pass when I felt a tug on my belt! All of a sudden I was on the train, face to face with the train conductor. "You're a gnome!" he said. "I love gnomes! You must be on a journey if you're all the way out here." And he let me ride on the train all the way to Alexandria. He even let me ride in the conductor seat! I've never ridden the rails before and was happy to add the experience to my growing list of adventures.

I arrived in Alexandria today -- much sooner than I had planned, of course. I followed the main street through town and met a very large fellow with an incredible hat! I introduced myself and asked if he could tell me where in town I could find a stoop of note. He had a booming voice and I was a little frightened at first! He announced himself as Big Ole. I must have been staring because he said, "This is my viking hat." And we got to talking about our hats, his shield, and arrows and hatchets. I practically forgot the reason I came to Alexandria when Big Ole told me that the stoop I was looking for was just across the street! What luck! I thanked Mr. Ole and ran across the street to something called The Runestone Museum.

Inside I found the most ornate piece of stone I have ever seen. I watched a short movie that explained that Olaf Ohman, a Swedish immigrant farmer found this ancient and strangely carved stone on his land in 1898. People accused him of making the runestone himself. To make the accusations stop, Ohman made the stone his front step. A stoop is supposed to be a friendly and welcoming place -- not something that someone would make out of shame!

I couldn't find any information about there being a gnome who guarded this runestone stoop. I wonder if I'll find a famous and historic step to call home, or just stand on for a day! The ornate carvings, the thickness and color of this stone; I stood and luxuriated at being so close to such an ancient stoop until the museum closed.

Bird's Eye View

2007-10-15T03:03:00.000-05:00

While walking along in St. Paul, enjoying my full belly after eating and drinking at Glockenspiel, I got to thinking. As a gnome I have never had a good view of anything. I enjoyed my view of Aaron's front yard, of course, but I've never been tall enough to get what I've heard is called a bird's eye view of something. St. Paul has a few hills within the city and, with the excitement my idea generated coupled with a belly full of energy, I decided to climb to the top of a great hill! It really didn't take me too long, but when I made it to the top I lingered for quite a while. I was stunned to see the tops of people! Cars! Buildings! When I came to I realized I was in the yard of something called the Minnesota History Center. I decided I might as well go inside and see what it was all about. I was greeted by a very pleasant group! They immediately gave me directions to something they said I absolutely must visit in the museum. Along the way I found a yard! Inside! I haven't slept inside in ages -- and certainly not in an indoor yard. I continued on my way until I was face to face with something called Lake Street.

It was built for me!

I don't know how long this place has existed or where it came from -- at first I thought the Apfelkorn was playing tricks on me! But indeed I was suddenly in a little town full of little buildings and little businesses. I stopped and chatted about this strange little town with a giant fellow for a moment when I got another idea into my head -- I should find the bird's eye view in this town! Imagine how I felt to be at the top of a city built for a little gnome like me!

Willkommen!

2007-10-09T21:20:00.000-05:00

There's a great bar and restaurant called Glockenspiel in St. Paul. I stopped in for a much needed beverage (I did just walk all the way from Gnometown USA, after all) and ordered a beer as tall as me! I also ate a giant pretzel and to my surprise my appetite was not satiated!

I was looking over the menu again to see what came with the liver dumplings when I heard a "Pssst!" from across the room. I finally spotted this fellow on the top shelf. A top shelf gnome! How about that? I never knew there were gnomes who guarded bars! Way to go, fella! He suggested I try the Apfelkorn. It's quite delicious. I should find a stoop next to an apple tree!

After drinking all of that alcohol, I decided I should take a look around the place before I left. I ended up finding an incredible looking cuckoo clock, but what stuck out the most was a strange animal mounted on the wall. Boy, the rabbits in Germany sure are strange! Then I laughed and laughed to see what I would look like in a similar fashion. I don't think I could put on as many miles as I do if I had that kind of weight to carry around!

I made sure to salute Top Shelf Gnome as I continued on my journey (but not before stopping here on the way out)!

Ever Have That Feeling You're Being Watched?

2007-10-08T02:16:00.000-05:00

Walking along back toward the Twin Cities from Gnometown USA (aka Dawson, MN), I had this strange feeling I was being watched. I turned around and immediately this barn looks away, all of a sudden he was very interested in the corn growing to his left. So I walk a little further, just to test him, and turn around real quick-like. I was too quick for him to find something else to look at. I said hi, but this barn was really shy. I sat and had a snack of wild berries, corn and a single digestive biscuit. I told him about my trip to Gnometown, because I'm still coming down from that excitement, as well as the sleepy gnomes guarding the town library. He told me some stories about corn, hay, the cows he keeps in his belly, and the more exciting events the traffic has had in front of him from past icy winters. Thanks for the afternoon chat, fella!

When A Gnome Visits Gnome Town, Minnesota

2007-10-04T01:42:00.000-05:00

I continued walking West today and stumbled upon a town called Dawson. What happened after that isn't all that clear to me. I just know that I don't remember the last time I was so excited. It must have been such an overwhelming experience that my brain doesn't know how to categorize what I went through today. Simply put, I met a town full of gnomes! But my experience was anything but simple.
I felt like I was the country mouse visiting the big city mice. Besides the fact that all the citizens of Gnome Town are extremely friendly, they all also have such prestigious careers (in addition to guarding Gnome Town Park together). I met a doctor and some sports stars. This town even has a gnome-sized chapel! I found that Dawson's Gnome Family Restaurant is for sale. I'm not going to immediately rule out guarding and owning a restaurant; I will spend the night to see how it feels, but I really am not a restaurant gnome. I guess if you can make it in Dawson, you can make it anywhere! But I have a feeling I'll be saying good-bye to Dawson in the morning. I'm realizing that everyone -- and every thing -- seems bigger than I expect (and that's saying a lot considering I am a gnome), even the gnomes! I was the shortest gnome in Gnome Town!

Distracted in Bird Island

2007-10-03T00:18:00.000-05:00

I really need to start concentrating on stoops a bit more. It seems like I've been concentrating on yards alone, which is silly because I am fascinated by stoops. It's just in my gnome blood, what can I say? I've been looking at photos of stoops, but I really need to start looking at them in person. Being out and about involves so many distractions! Which is exactly what happened to me today. While passing through a great sounding town called Bird Island in Minnesota, I saw a few nice front steps and porches, but was completely distracted by this giant rock face guarding someone's yard. Seemed like a very calm fellow and I did my best not to wake him up. I was just so curious though, and ended up sneaking up quite closely.

Earpiphony

2007-10-02T01:41:00.000-05:00

Today the sky cleared after a few days of thick gray clouds and a brilliant warming yellow shined down upon my beard. I became excited at the change in weather and eagerly looked up to see blue sky and quickly realized that it was not the sun shining down on me! In fact, I couldn't even see the sky! The warmth and yellow light came from a giant golden ear of corn in a western Minnesota town named Olivia. This unshucked majesty blocked out the sky and for a few moments it was all I could see, hear, and think about. I think I can safely say that I have always been bigger than an ear of corn, ever since my adolescent years anyway, but Olivia, like Mark Rosen, has had a transforming effect on me. Today was certainly an adventure. Giant Corn will always have a special place in my memories and in my dreams.

Crazy Yard of the Future

2007-09-27T23:31:00.000-05:00

I've been wandering quite a bit the last few days and tonight I found myself in downtown Minneapolis walking toward the sound of falling water. A moment later I was in awe. I'd have been content with just this waterfall. It actually seemed extravagant for my needs, really. A waterfall is a perk in this gnome's eyes! But there was a great green lawn and the thought flashed through this red hat of mine that this could be THE lawn to guard. But the house on this lawn -- the source of my sudden awe -- is crazy. Carazy! There's a giant TV in the yard and it has its own TV station to boot! I found out the place is called WCCO. My curiosity got the best of me and I walked past this stay out sign and followed a long hallway to a large room with an empty bar and bright lights. There was a room with lots of TVs. This made me think that maybe the whole television station thing was a front for laundering stolen television sets and then selling them out of vans somewhere. I mean, Aaron doesn't live in a bad neighborhood or anything, but I heard stories from other gnomes -- gnomes with illegal things stuck inside them. I digress.

I'm wandering around this television station and BOOM! Holy crap -- I almost popped my belt when I saw that someone was home! This guy didn't seem to care though -- he started bouncing some ideas off me right away. Whew. He introduced himself as Don Shelby and then Mr. Shelby introduced me to his friend, a Mr. Mark Rosen. Now, I know I'm not a tall gnome -- it's sort of implied when you tell someone you're a gnome -- but this guy seemed like a bona-fide giant! Tonight I learned that opposites do attract. I felt that me and the giant man bonded.

There Are Millions of Stoops Out There

2007-09-23T19:47:00.000-05:00

I admit, leaving Aaron out of the blue like I did was kind of selfish. Aaron, if you're reading this, don't take it personally. All I do is stare out at other houses -- specifically other stoops -- all day and all night and finally it donned on me: "What's it like to sit on another stoop? Maybe several other stoops? Maybe one stoop in the morning and another stoop at night?" I thought maybe it would be nice to mix it up a little.

Whatever it is, I realized that if I didn't make the move soon, my fake rock that I stand on all day just may meld itself permanently to your specific stoop, like it has to the bottom of my boots. Standing on your stoop isn't such a bad thing, really it isn't. But once a gnome gets an idea into his head, he's got to move on it. The world is full of stoops and I just want to see what else is out there.