Cave Gnome!

It was fun guarding the windmill! It's really been working hard these past couple of windy days. I was anxious to continue in my direct route east so off I went. It seemed the strong wind was urging me to continue my adventure too. I walked for almost the entire day before hearing what sounded like pigs. Sure enough, through a few trees and bushes I came upon a white house with four pink pigs in the front yard. I immediately wondered if they wanted to be identified as pigs or camels. I just wasn't sure so I decided to ask right away.

"Hello! I'm Aaron's Lawn Gnome. Are you pigs or would you prefer to be called camels?"

The pigs laughed and laughed, and they snorted quite a bit too, which I thought was very funny. "We're not camels!" one of the little pigs shouted between snorts. "Aaron's Lawn Gnome, we are certainly pigs. It is nice to meet you. What brings you here today?"

"I heard you through the trees. Then I saw the house and I thought I'd try out the stoop for a little while. That is, if it's okay with you."

"The stoop?" Said one pig.

"I thought for sure you were here to guard the cave!" Said another pig.

"A cave? Wow! I didn't know a cave was around here."

"Not around here," explained another pig. "Right under here!"

"How do you know there is a cave right underneath our feet?" I asked. And all the pigs answered at once. "Our ancestors found the cave!"

They all took turns telling different parts of the story. I found out that a couple of their ancestors went missing from their farm. When a boy was out looking for them, he heard the pigs but could not see them! Soon he found the pigs -- they had fallen in a sink hole. The little boy found an older boy to help him rescue the pigs. When they went into the hole to tie ropes around the pigs' bellies in order to pull them out, the boys saw that the hole went much, much deeper into the ground.

"I've never been in a cave before."

"But we thought you came here because gnomes guard caves."

"I've met many different gnome guards on my travels so far, ones that I didn't know existed, like Top Shelf Gnome. I guess I'll add Cave Guard to my list!"

"Our ancestors made history! You should visit the cave they found!"
"You should!"
"You must!"
"You have to!"

I decided to visit the cave! It will be great to add cave to my list of places I've tried guarding. Apparently that's something my ancestors have done. So I walked in the direction the four pigs were pointing until I was at the top of a very tall staircase. It was so tall that I couldn't see the bottom step!

It was warm and very humid at the bottom of the cave. I always heard water flowing and saw water dripping down all of the walls. I followed the sound of water until it was so loud I thought I might have to cover my ears! But I forgot about how loud the water was when I saw how far it was falling.

There were many hallways to wander and each one seemed to have an incredible surprise. There were fossils in the walls and other halls were filled with crisp, clear water. Other hallways had growing from them!

It was so strange knowing I was 200 feet underneath those four pigs. With every turn down a new oddly shaped hall I wondered if I would bump into another gnome.

I wandered far into many of the pathways until I found a hat-shaped threshold. "This cave entrance will suit me just right." As I said this I felt a booming in my chest! I was startled, but only for a moment as I realized it was my own words bouncing off the walls right back into me. I planted the rock beneath my boots, which was now covered white with clay, and happily guarded a cave. I spent my time whistling and singing and listing the places I've visited out loud just to feel the boom of my voice.

Happy Thanksgiving!

A happy day today, even though there was noticeably more traffic buzzing around. So much in fact that I couldn't get to any stoops because driveways and streets were filled with parked cars. I wondered and wondered what was going on today until I passed by a helpful lady. She was so soft spoken that after the third time I asked politely for her to repeat herself, she actually hoisted me up in her hand and said, "Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Oh! Why Happy Thanksgiving to you too!" I said. I explained that I was searching for adventure and new stoops to try out and that I was wondering why I couldn't get to any stoops today because conditions were so crowded. "Thank you for helping me find out why everyone else is out and about today. I'm away from my home right now, so I'm thankful to have met such a helpful new friend!"

"It was nice to meet you too," she said. "Let me set you down again so you can carry on with your adventures!" And off I was to do what I do best. Well, second best. I think I guard stoops first best.

Walking and walking on a cloudy day wasn't a bit discouraging. In fact, I was too distracted to worry about a gray sky! I saw a sign that reminded me of the gnome hostel, The Happy Gnome, but this particular spot was not an overnight resting spot for gnomes. I wonder what I would look like up on a sign!

I kept walking and wondering what all the gnomes at the gnome hostel were doing today to celebrate Thanksgiving. And then I started to wonder how they celebrated on Sesame Street, what giant cow and giant bear and giant rooster were doing, and if Mr. Little Guy got my letter. In the not too far distance I saw another person who looked a little like the lady I had met just a while ago. "Happy Thanksgiving!" I said to the man. "Happy Thanksgiving to you, too, little fellow!" And he and I shared in a big, friendly salute. "I'm on an adventure. I'm traveling in a direct line east from a strange museum in Austin."

"You're in for a nice surprise then, I think. If you keep on as you are, there is going to be a site that will stop you in your tracks I bet!" After a final salute, I parted with the tall friendly man. He had gotten me so excited to continue on my way that I was walking quite fast. It wasn't long when I saw what he must have been talking about. A gorgeous windmill. I was in awe for a bit and I suddenly forgot everything I had been wondering about. This windmill was exactly the same colors as me! Boy, I've never thought about guarding a windmill before. I think I'll give it a try today!

Camel Walk

After leaving that confusing SPAM building I realized how much I've been wandering ever since I've been out and about. I don't think I've made a straight line in my path once during my entire journey. This is a fine way to travel of course, but I decided it might be fun to journey as straight a line as possible, just to see what happens. So off I went, in exactly a straight line east from the museum in Austin, Minnesota.

I hadn't been walking too long when I thought I heard giggling. But then the wind came up again, as it did frequently on this day, and I figured it was my imagination. Just a few steps further though I heard it again, for sure this time, and then again and again. I kept turning around, but nothing was there! Finally I was quicker than the gigglers and I saw a short curly tail dart behind a fence-post. "I see you back there!" I shouted in a friendly voice. Then I hid behind a pine tree and thought I'd join in on the game. Again I heard laughing and then one-by-one I saw three wiggly snouts appear from behind a very big fence post. And then three big faces. And then three stout, wiggling bodies. Sure enough, there were three curly tails. They looked around for me and after a second I started to laugh, too. I jumped out from behind my tree.

"Hi Pigs!" I shouted and began to laugh. Their bodies all turned, startled and stiff, and the black and white pig's big floppy ears went straight up. Then they turned and looked at some giant, bumpy animals far off in the field. We walked closer to each other.

"Shh," said one of the black pigs. The other two were stifling their chuckles. "We don't want to cause trouble sharing the pasture with the camels, so we've managed to convince the them that we're camels, too! Don't mention the word pig while they're near," he said the word pig in a whisper. Then the two little black pigs and the little black and white pig with the large floppy ears darted away, laughing some more. "If you want to meet more of us," one of the pigs turned and shouted. "We have some relatives living not too far from here if you travel in exactly a straight line east! Our ancestors discovered something spectacular in Harmony!" They told me to turn my back and I would see something else amazing in the meanwhile. I turned my back from them as they ran far into the field behind me. I wondered who would be waiting for me in the next town, pigs or those bumpy creatures they motioned to in the field. What a silly game they were playing.

I stood looking in the distance for a few minutes and still hadn't seen anything. Boy, was my anticipation growing! And boy were those pigs fun! Maybe they were beginning another game to play. Then I heard slow heavy steps behind me and I jumped and turned around as fast as I could, expecting to see little fun-loving pigs.

"Ah!"

I don't think I've ever been so startled! All I saw when I turned were giant brown, knobby knees! Giant! Now I've met plenty of giants on my journey, but none of them have sneaked up on me. "I'm so sorry, sir," I said as soon as I could. "I wasn't expecting to see three huge handsome creatures like you! Please excuse me!" The three of them had started chuckling from deep within their giant bellies before I finished my sentence.

"We're camels," one of them explained. "And I don't believe we've seen such a little fellow like you before either!"

"I'm Aaron's Lawn Gnome. I'm a stoop gnome and right now I'm traveling and having adventures." They became so excited by the idea of such a little fellow going on such a big journey that they each gave me a kiss on my cheek. "Wow, I've certainly never been kissed by a camel before! It's really an honor and a great story to add to my list of adventures!"

"Shh," said the camels all at once. "We don't want to cause trouble sharing the pasture with the pigs, so we've managed to convince them that we're pigs, too!" And the camels all motioned with their large heads toward the little pigs coming closer to us. "So be sure not to mention the word camel while they're near." As they explained this to me, they hushed their volume when saying the word camel.

All of us ran and jumped and played games and laughed for a while during that blustery day. And then I remembered that there were more adventures for me in exactly a straight line east and shouted good-bye to them again and again. From a good length away, I said good-bye for one last time; I was so exhilarated from meeting such great new friends. But I forgot my pacts between the pigs and the camels and shouted, "Good-bye pigs! Good-bye Camels!" I gave them the biggest salute I could and immediately hoped I hadn't just caused too much trouble as I headed my way toward a town called Harmony. But they didn't seem to notice anything odd as they wiggled their tails back at me.

A Very Strange Museum

A snowy day today! No trouble for this gnome though; I've got a warm full belly thanks to all of the goodies I can bring along with me in my new pack! Despite the snow I saw a familiar yellow glow in the sky again. "IKEA!" I thought to myself. I decided it wouldn't be such a bad idea to go inside for some Lingonberry Drink. I had been so distracted by just the blue and yellow colors that I didn't realize the building said SPAM Museum until I got right up to the door! There sure wasn't anything close to Lingonberries in there. And I forgot to pay attention to why in the world there were pigs out front.

I've Got Gnomes In My Eyes

It was such a nice day for traveling today! Crisp yes, but perfect for a walking fellow like me. I must have gnomes on my brain because I seem to be seeing them everywhere, even if upon a second glance the gnome turns out to be something else completely. Like a fire hydrant. I'm so used to making friends along my way, maybe my brain is playing tricks on me because I haven't met anyone lately! Silly me.

Too Big, Too Little, Just Right

I reminisced about all of my amazing adventures while I enjoyed my Apfelkorn at the Black Forest Inn. I can't believe all of the sights I've seen and how many new friends I've made in just only a few weeks! Then my thoughts turned to the changing weather, how it's getting a little colder each day, and about Moose and Bear living in the woods. The wild berries we've all been sharing are already getting scarce. It's not like Moose and Bear can just walk into a restaurant as easily as I can. If I had a backpack to fill with supplies I won't have to take berries from a less fortunate creature! I also won't have to worry about if there will be food where I decide to take breaks.

I think Pack Gnome weaved his own basket pack. I'm afraid I do not have the required dexterousness to weave a basket. I'm better at chopping things.

Thinking about this got me excited to get on my way again. I wandered for quite a while after leaving The Black Forest and hadn't run in to even one other creature along my way. It was exhilarating to rely on my skills alone! It seems I've been honing my wandering skills ever since that first night my stone under my boots left Aaron's stoop, but today was the first chance I've had to put them to the test. My list of experiences sure keeps growing.

I went with my instincts and kept my chin up. And after just a little while longer, I saw a yellow glow in the sky and decided I should see what it was. The closer I got the better I could see what I was walking toward. Well, I could tell that it was a big blue building anyway; I didn't, however, know what an IKEA was. It seemed friendly enough anyway, so I decided to find out exactly what this IKEA was.

It turns out that IKEA was exactly what I needed! What a testament to my growing wandering skills! Upon entering, I saw the food area first and was excited to see such bright, shiny options! Gnome-sized delicacies like little cookies and boxes of Lingonberry juice. Oh! And Elderflower juice! Then I smelled meatballs. I remembered smelling them in Engebretson's, but had the lutefisk instead. Now was my chance to try meatballs! I couldn't resist; I ate an entire plate of them. Meatballs are delicious and a perfect sized food for a gnome.

I found myself getting distracted looking at all of the food and decided to find a pack before I continue in the food store. I must find a pack to put some of these goodies in for the rest of my travels!

So this little gnome went for a walk in the big IKEA building. I continued past bright little rooms filled with bright-colored objects. I walked past big beds, medium beds, and little beds. When soon I found a room with many different bins brimming over with packs! I went over to the first bin and pulled out a pack the color of my shirt. "This pack is much too big," I said as I began to climb my way out. I went to another bin. I pulled out a pack that my hatchet wouldn't even fit in. "This pack is much, much too small," I said. When I finally pulled my hand out of the small handle, I became distracted by a beautiful red pack in the next bin. I tried on this red pack; it was red just like my hat. "This one is just right," I said, smiling. Then I walked quickly back to the food store and filled my new pack with delicious goodies to keep my belly full and warm for the rest of the adventures I was sure to have very soon!

Danke Shön For All The Joy And Apfelkorn

Even after the four apple beverages I had at the apple orchard my thirst still wasn't satisfied. I really need to get a pack to carry supplies in like Pack Gnome suggested back at the hostel! But I am happy with how my latest adventure turned out nonetheless. All of those giants were so nice! My feet were itching to get on the move again and I was eager to comply. Off to finish what I started; the hunt for stoops and Apfelkorn! I zigged through yards and neighborhoods and zagged past main streets and towns enjoying all the new sights when one in particular caught my eye. I put my hand above my brow to better read the sign against the glare from the setting sun: Black Forest Inn.

It sounded a tad spooky, but I was long over my frightened state from Anoka by now. Perhaps I could catch up on my wood chopping skills in this forest? Maybe I could help clear brush for my keep and maybe a meal? I hadn't used my hatchet for more than a walking stick since I started my adventures! I never saw such a façade for entering a forest, but I am out seeking adventure after all, and decided that opening a door into a forest would definitely be a new experience for this little gnome.

As soon as my eyes adjusted to the dim light (I can see how this forest got its name!) I found myself in quite a state of confusion. It was a forest full of wood, not in tree form, but in table and chair and bar form! What kind of forest was this anyway? In my awe I looked up to see if, at the very least, the sky was above this bizarre forest. I did not see clouds. Instead I saw large paintings of gnomes! Gnomes wearing winged helmets and feasting on sausages and potatoes and wine! Seeing these gnomes imbibing reminded me of how thirsty I was. Perhaps I had entered some sort of gnome utopia? Big Ole told me about Valhalla. Perhaps The Black Forest Inn was the equivalent for gnomes; in theme only, of course, because I certainly was not slain in any battles recently!

I hopped up onto the bar and asked for a chilled glass of Apfelkorn. I explained to the barkeep that I was on a long journey and needed to quench my thirst before continuing my adventures. Before I could finish saluting at the end of my request, there, before me, was a chilly little glass of golden Apfelkorn, in a glass just my size.








I raised my little glass before my first sip: To Stoops!

Apples Apples Everywhere But Not A Drop Of Apfelkorn To Drink

After a nice and relaxing slumber in the crisp autumnal air I thought a proper drink was in order. Apfelkorn! But where? I set out with a revived bounce in my step to find adventure and a beverage to quench my thirst. I've been meeting so many helpful creatures along my way, like Moose and Bear and Giant Ant, I couldn't help but be excited about the idea of seeking advice about where to find my beverage of choice!

I found that making sure to always keep my chin up makes a big difference while I am out wandering. Like today, at first I thought I was just seeing another cloud, but when it said hello to me, I knew my eyes were playing tricks. "Hello," it said again in a deep friendly voice. When my eyes adjusted I saw a great White Bear roosting high above the ground. "Hello up there! Maybe you can help me with something." I explained to the giant White Bear that I was on a long journey and right now I was in the mood to sip my favorite beverage.

"Apfelkorn? I bet you could find it at the apple orchard just up the way!" I commented about how I bet he can probably see everything from where he was. "That's right! You asked the right bear for help. I can see the apple orchard from here, in fact. It's not too far!"

I continued in the direction White Bear told me and while I was imagining what kind of view he has all day long and how different it was from my view, I was interrupted by a loud swish-swish noise. "Oh!" I said, startled. I almost walked right into a long, bony leg!

"I thought I would warn you, but was afraid if I mooed it would just plain scare you away, and I didn't want that! Though it looks like I frightened you anyway. So sorry." It was another giant animal! This time it was a cow and she was quite curious. "If you don't mind my asking, what is a little fellow like you doing out and about?" I explained to the giant black and white cow that I was on a long journey and right now I was in the mood to sip my favorite beverage. "Am I still on the right path to the apple orchard?" "You are! In fact, you haven't much further to go. I'm sure you'll have lots of fun there. I like to sneak into that very apple orchard late at night and eat my fill of apples while everyone is sleeping." And she mooed and laughed at her confession until long after I was on my way.

To keep myself occupied during my walk I thought about all of the enormous friendly creatures I kept meeting and, little did I know, I was just about to meet yet another gentle giant.

A very large beak kept bobbing down to the ground in front of me, so quickly that I could barely see anything but a blurry yellow and red rainbow. "Excuse me, please slow down. I'd like to say hello!" This giant fellow could not talk or move without bobbing his head. This was quite fascinating to me, as the slight sudden movements caused his wild hair to shake and shimmer in the sun. "Hello," the giant rooster replied. He looked at me for a moment, but couldn't be bothered to stop pecking for food on the ground. I explained to the giant orange and yellow rooster that I was on a long journey and right now I was in the mood to sip my favorite beverage. "Am I still on the right path to the apple orchard? "Just follow the corn," advised the giant rooster. Sure enough, just a few steps away, I saw enough corn to feed a giant bear, a giant cow, AND a giant rooster all at once!

I found an entrance to the corn field under a broken, poorly spelled sign. I'm sure it's supposed to say Apfelkorn, I thought to myself. And with that, I walked into hallways made of scrumptious looking corn! The way to the apple orchard was not well marked and sometimes it was hard choosing which way to turn. I had to rely on my nose! I started following the smell of apples and soon I found the orchard! I immediately found an apple that I wished I could bring back to the giant black and white cow. And saw pumpkins the color of the giant rooster's feathers! I saw an apple tree sagging under the weight of apples. "I bet this place is absolutely overflowing with Apfelkorn!" I found my way to a small cafe. By this point I was so hungry for everything made with apple I didn't even look at the menu. I just said, "One of everything please, but I want four apple drinks!"

I ate an apple muffin, apple turnover, and apple pie in anticipation of saving the best -- the Apfelkorn -- for last. But my excitement was dashed. The cafe gave me coffee, apple cider, and an apple cider float. "Sorry, no Apfelcorn," said the lady behind the cafe counter. I felt like I was back on Sesame Street again. Along with my stoop adventures, my search for Apfelcorn continues as well.

On my way out I heard the sound of a machine and decided to have a look. Inside I saw thousands of apples, not on trees, but moving quickly and smoothly across the room! I was bewildered! I couldn't believe that this machine was not turning those apples, not even a small fortunate few of them, into Apfelkorn. All I could do was stare in amazement.

Mr. Little Guy

I was still a little shaken up while wandering back to the city after being in Anoka for Halloween. In fact, when I saw this cracked staircase covered with brittle fallen leaves, I was just about to turn and go the other way when I saw beautiful twinkling lights reflecting off of a lake. Unable to take my eyes off of the shimmering colors, I didn't even see the scary steps as I descended them for a closer look at the city and the water. I stood for a bit and then became distracted from my sore feet. Certainly there would be a park bench around here somewhere. I turned to look for a nice spot to sit when I discovered a little door. I didn't believe what I was seeing at first! Surely it was just a silly pattern in the tree bark, but upon closer inspection there, indeed, was a small locked door with a name plate on it! I found myself looking down to inspect the little door and name plate. I admired the lion's head door handle, but something was a bit strange. Then it donned on me -- I was looking down to inspect this door! Imagine that! This door was smaller than me. Unfortunately the little fellow who lives here was away, but luckily he left a forwarding address. Looks like this little stoop gets plenty of visitors, too. There were a few letters to this elf left near his door.

So, under the lights from the city and the reflections off the lake, I sat and wrote a big thank-you letter to Mr. Little Guy.

"Greetings Mr. Little Guy,

I am Aaron's Lawn Gnome and for the past few weeks I have been out and about having adventures and trying out new stoops.
Along the way I have met store gnomes, bar gnomes and even vikings, but I am a stoop gnome. I had a strange but delightful experience when I happened upon your stoop -- it was smaller than me!
It is not often that I am larger than something, as I am sure you can relate, especially a door and stoop.
In short, I am writing to thank you for allowing me to guard your stoop for a few hours. The view from your stoop is spectacular, especially at night when the city reflects off of the lake. It was fun guarding such a tiny stoop. Even though I never quite got used to it, I had a delightful time.

A salute to you,
A.L. Gnome"

How Frightening!

I was walking around a great neighborhood just bursting at the seams with stoops! While I was enjoying my pick of stoop after stoop however, I couldn't help but feel a growing chill in the air as the sun began to set. Soon, each stoop became just a darker pattern barely discernible from the dark surroundings. I heard footsteps all around me, but I convinced myself it was just the sound of all of the leaves getting caught in the brisk evening wind. Trying to find any distraction from my growing fright, I heard the welcoming crackles of a fire in the distance. I followed the popping fire noises until I finally saw a faint orange glow. Closer still, I realized I was better off out in the dark amongst those mysterious footsteps. Some poor creature had been captured and was roasting on a spit over the fire! I turned to get away, but I was met with an entire trail of glowing skulls! A misfit toy scared me by yelling help and then laughed when she heard me gasp! The footsteps became louder and louder still! There were frightening characters everywhere! I didn't know where to turn until I saw a stream of lights careening down a street. They were the only lights to focus on, as the regular street lights had been turned off. How scary! And then I remembered -- it's Halloween! I had been so distracted with my stoop-finding adventure that I completely forgot.

Suddenly I realized how fortunate my situation was. I was in Anoka -- the Halloween Capital of the World! Imagine that. I watched the parade and saw that there are even parade gnomes. I saw some elves too, but a gnome! I waved and waved and the Parade Gnome threw me some beads for a Halloween souvenir.

If my beard wasn't already gray, it sure would be now. After a night like that!